How to Talk to Someone Who Has a Problem

Marriage is no fairytale. Yes, there will be happy times, especially in the beginning. However, as the years go on, people tend to change. They may develop an addiction or mental health issue. Some develop behaviors that threaten their marriages, such as impulsive spending.

When this happens, you may walk on eggshells when around your spouse, trying to tiptoe around the issue. Or you may try to discuss it with them and they either deny it, minimize it, or cut you off. They won’t fully admit to the issue, causing the situation to worsen over time.

But your spouse doesn’t want to be helped. They’re clearly not concerned about the issue. In fact, they think everything is fine and there is no issue. And when you bring it up, they feel criticized.

The bottom line is that without help, you will feel more and more resentment until it ruins your marriage. Don’t let this happen. Here are some ways to communicate with your spouse.

Talk About You

When discussing your partner’s problem, don’t be accusatory. Instead, use “I” language. For example, “I’ve been worried about you about _____.” This will show that the focus is on your feelings and your loved one won’t be as defensive.

Stick to the Facts

When discussing the problem, don’t come to conclusions. Instead, stick with what you know. Give them the facts. Has your spouse been spending too much? Show them the credit card statements. Do you think your loved one is an alcoholic? Tell them about how you and other family members saw them stumbling at a party. Stick with the facts and leave out your assumptions.

Focus on Their Motivation

Try to tie your problem to theirs. For example, if your wife has been overspending, show how concerned you are because you are saving up to buy a house. What does the person desire? Find their motivation and show that their problem could get in the way if they don’t make changes.

Manage Emotions

Despite what you say, your loved one may still get emotional and refuse to discuss the issue. Be calm with them and ask why they are upset. Apologize if you need to. Do not give up, but do try to fix the emotional problem to get everyone back on track.

See What Happens Next

Once you have made your case, it is up to your loved one to take the next steps. These will depend on their actions. If they’re reacting negatively, leave them alone. Reiterate your concern and restate the facts without arguing. If their reaction is positive, ask how you can help. Your goal is to make an effort and do the best you can to help resolve the problem.

Seek Legal Help

While your marriage may start off great, people often change. Your husband or wife may develop a physical or psychological problem that threatens their health, employment, personal life, and more.

Health issues, substance abuse, and impulsive behavior are things that can lead to divorce if not dealt with promptly. Fort Lauderdale divorce lawyer Edward J. Jennings, P.A. can help you move on when your marriage is failing. Schedule a consultation by filling out the online form or calling 954-764-4330.

Source:

psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202501/when-someone-you-care-about-has-a-problem-they-do-not-see