Dealing with Your Child’s Questions About Divorce

Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. Children often get caught in the middle. They are often sad or angry about what has happened. Seeing their parents split up can make them feel lonely and insecure. They may even question their parents’ love for them.

Parents are not supposed to badmouth each other. They’re supposed to keep quiet and keep the divorce as amiable as possible. But what happens when the child is the one who wants to vent their frustrations? Parents need to be prepared and help manage this as much as possible.

Children may bottle up their feelings about what is happening. They may get lost by suppressing emotions as they defer to their parents. A parent’s job is to listen to what questions, observations, and viewpoints their children have and how they are feeling.

Children tend to have many questions and comments about divorce. They include:

• Will you (or the other parent) still love me?
• Why don’t you love Daddy/Mommy anymore?
• What happened? Why did you divorce?
• Did you make Dad/Mom mad?
• I must have caused your divorce because you were happy before you had me.

Kids have to deal with their parents living apart and a possible change in residence and school. Here are some ways parents can help children manage:

• Spend time with your children to discuss their emotions and observations. Do not share your emotions unless the children ask how you feel about the divorce.
• Listen to your children. Let them vent their emotions and thoughts.
• Don’t sugarcoat the other parent. If a parent caused the child to be upset or mistreated, agree with them if it is true. Allow your children to share their opinions and emotions about their parents. You can even allow your child to criticize one or both parents. This is not the same as badmouthing.
• Ask your children what would help them the most. What do they want or need now that their parents are divorced?
• Urge your children to convey their feelings and points of view with both parents.
• Provide reassurance. Reassure your child that while some things will change, the love and care they receive from both parents will not. Let them know it’s perfectly normal for them to feel sad, angry, or confused. Both parents will help them through these emotions.
• Be patient. Children may need time to process the news. Be ready for ongoing discussions and provide consistent support. Pay attention to changes in behavior that might indicate your child is struggling. Be sure to give them any professional help if needed.

Seek Legal Help

It is challenging to divorce when children are involved. They are confused about what is going on and likely have a lot of difficult questions.

Fort Lauderdale divorce lawyer Edward J. Jennings, P.A. can help you divorce with ease. We provide personal service to all clients and can help answer your questions. Schedule a consultation by filling out the online form or calling 954-764-4330.

Source:

psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-on-automatic/202408/how-to-deal-with-childrens-questions-about-parents-divorce