Being Nice vs. Being Honest: Which is Better for Your Marriage?

When people marry, they are looking for mates who are nice to them. This is an obvious trait that everyone wants, because who wants to be with someone who treats them poorly.

But many people also want honesty, and let’s be truthful, being honest and being nice don’t always go hand in hand. Sometimes you have to be upfront and honest with your spouse, and that may mean that you have to be, well, a little mean to them. Sometimes speaking the truth isn’t going to go well.

But while being nice is, well, nice, it wears off over time. It’s good to be agreeable, but sometimes it can be a little too much. How so? Here are some common nice behaviors that may reduce conflict in the short term but start to wear thin in the long term.

Avoiding Conflict

Disagreements and arguments can be difficult in a relationship. Many people like to avoid conflict as much as possible, so they will be agreeable just to keep the peace. This can be a good thing at first, but let’s face it, every couple fights and they should.

Constructive conflict is essential for a healthy relationship. Nobody agrees with someone on absolutely everything. Disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable in every relationship. If they don’t get addressed, they fester and over time, they lead to alienation and resentment. Healthy disagreement allows for proper healing, so don’t be afraid to speak your mind.

Deferring to You

It’s always nice when your partner defers to you on certain things. They may ask what you want to do when you’re deciding on a restaurant, making weekend plans, or trying to pick something to watch on TV. However, you should not just say “I’m fine with whatever.” You should offer your own ideas as well and focus on collaboration rather than deference. Nobody wants to bear the full burden of having initiative and decision making. Make it a partnership, not another burden.

Telling You What You Want to Hear

We are all familiar with the “Does the dress make me look fat?” question that women often ask their husbands. While it feels good when someone validates your point of view, sometimes what you need is someone to tell you the painful truth. If the dress does make you look fat or the pants show off your butt crack, those are good things to know. Knowing the truth may make you mad at first, but eventually, you’ll relish knowing the truth.

The best partnerships lead to mutual growth. This is only possible only when your partner is willing to do the hard work of being honest with you.

Seek Legal Help

While it’s good to be nice overall, sometimes honesty is the best policy. It’s helpful when your spouse can be honest with you over important things.

A marriage will not thrive without the perfect mix of niceness and honesty. If your partner is being untruthful and mean, you may be considering divorce. Seek legal help from experienced Fort Lauderdale divorce lawyer Edward J. Jennings, P.A. Schedule a consultation today by calling 954-764-4330 or filling out the online form.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/202408/5-nice-things-partners-do-that-dont-work-in-the-long-term