Opposites Attract, But Do they Stay Together?

Some people say that you should look for someone with the same interests and personality as you. Then there are those who believe that opposites attract and you should look for a spouse who is different from you.

There’s truth to both these statements. It would be boring to be with someone who is exactly like you and likes everything you like. But on the other end of the spectrum, do you really want to deal with someone you have nothing in common with and who has a totally different personality?

Many people look for a partner who completes them in order to balance out the relationship. For example, if you are quiet, you may desire someone who is outgoing. If you love to plan everything, you may be excited by someone who is spontaneous.

However, this type of thinking does not always work out. Here’s a look at why we might be attracted to opposites and why this can lead to conflict.

Why Do Opposites Attract?

We might look for people who are different from us for the following reasons:

• Complementarity. This theory suggests that people seek out partners who complement their own traits.
• Novelty and excitement. Differences can bring novelty and excitement to a relationship, preventing it from becoming monotonous. New experiences and perspectives can keep the relationship stimulating.
• Learning and growth: Being with someone who is different can encourage personal growth and learning. Exposure to different viewpoints, skills, and interests can broaden one’s own horizons.
• Balance and stability. Differences can create a balance in a relationship. For instance, if one partner is more organized and the other more spontaneous, they can balance each other out and create a more stable and harmonious partnership.
• Psychological needs. Sometimes, individuals are drawn to others who fulfill unmet psychological needs. For example, someone who lacked nurturing in childhood might be attracted to a partner who is caring and supportive.

Why This Leads to Conflict

It is not correct to believe that the opposing traits of each individual partner will yield a balanced couple. This is because individual traits and personality characteristics belong separately to each person.

For example, a self-centered person will continue to be self-centered as a mate. A caregiving person will maintain that role as a spouse. There needs to be give and take by both parties, which does not often happen. As such, the wholeness you desire does not happen.

Choosing mates by thinking they’ll complete you leads to relationship conflict, as each person is so different from the other. Neither person can be what is needed both for themselves and for the other person. It becomes exhausting, causing both parties to become disgruntled, angry, and resentful. Breakup or divorce is imminent.

Seek Legal Help

As the saying goes, opposites attract. However, spouses who are totally different from each other do not always stay together for the long run.

Do you expect your spouse to complete you? If so, your expectations may be high, causing bitterness and resentment. Fort Lauderdale divorce lawyer Edward J. Jennings, P.A. can help you divorce and move on with ease. To schedule a consultation with our office, call 954-764-4330 or fill out the online form.

Source:

psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-on-automatic/202407/should-you-choose-a-romantic-partner-who-completes-you